11 Apr


For at least two generations we have been told that the old gender roles were obsolete. And we concluded that gender neutrality was the new norm. Truth be told those old gender roles probably are well and truly out of touch and out of date. But we are still trying to discover what the new roles are; they probably have a lot to do with all of us being more individual, which means there will be few if any common threads between people of the same gender. That being said, if we approach marital relationships in a gender neutral way, if we approach relationships as best friends rather than marital partners, we end up with a roommate rather than a lover. There is a masculine/feminine difference, even if the best philosophers and neuroscientists in the works have never been able to adequately put this distinction into words. And if we lose that difference we lose the masculine/feminine tension and attraction, which is the whole reason why we were attracted to the relationship in the first place. Political correctness is adherence to someone else’s ideas, whether it is traditional gender roles or modern misconceptions that confuse equality with neutrality. We will have to figure out the truth of these differences over the course of living out lives, even if it means our generation will have to suffer some frustration in the process. About the only thing we are certain about at the moment is that the other people are always different to ourselves, which is something we should feel comfortable in accepting.


05 Apr



  • Some decorations can be bought second-hand, and flowers can be bought on line cheaply. Do spend some money on decorations you want to keep as momentous; buy other items second hand and sell afterwards.
  • When budgeting, concentrate on things that will be important when you look back. Photos and videos are permanent. Flower arrangements need only look good on the day.
  • Recruit friends to make decorations. If well instructed you will be surprised at how many invitations, placeholder, flower arrangements can be made on two afternoons with a few friends.
  • One venue for everything can be cheaper, include a lot of features, and save on transport between sites. But as with all package deals you get something fairly reliable, but a little inflexible.
  • Off season services are cheaper. The same wedding a month earlier or later may cost less.
  • Buy wholesale, buy bulk. This is one of the few times you will be buying in large quantities.
  • Hiring a photographer and videographer from the same company may get you a discount. They also tend to work together a little better.
  • Use the word ‘wedding’ and ‘honeymoon’ judiciously when booking hotels and services. Some people and some search engines charge more when they hear these words. On the other hand some hotel staff like to pamper the newlyweds and give a few complementary items, something that doesn’t happen at other times.
  • The wedding is a one off event, so spend a little more if you have to. You won’t get a second chance, and you can’t go back and change anything. If you need extra cash some credit cards give you an interest free period when you first sign up. Get a credit card for the wedding (or 2) and take advantage of this. Commit to paying it off in minimal time, but check out fine print!
  • Always priories the important and permanent over the temporary. Great photos, that great dress and souvenir decorations are there for your whole life. Think about what will be important when you look back at the event.